I’m thankful to have a wise couple who can speak truth into our series on Christian sex. They bring a wonderful message on achieving sex satisfaction for the Christian, which will be a blessing to both wives and husbands!
Are you the husband of a low-libido wife? Or perhaps you are a low-libido wife yourself? Wives with low sex drives are not as uncommon as you may think. As a matter of fact, shifting sex drives can come on at any time and without warning. Many couples are silently suffering because they don’t know what to do when one of their sex drives diminishes.
Several years ago our marriage was turned upside down when Carlie’s desire for sex just seemed to disappear. Our frequent love making seemingly came to a screeching halt overnight and neither of us had a clue why. There weren’t any obvious signs like a new baby, traumatic event, or marriage trouble to account for the shift in her sex drive. No. As a matter of fact our marriage couldn’t have been any better; we were both thriving in our relationship with God and every area of life we valued most.
So what was going on? Why did Carlie no longer have the desire to be intimate?
In an effort to reclaim our married Christian sexuality, we prayed together and had many consecrated conversations on the matter. While God gave us a lot of specific instructions for our particular situation, today we are sharing 3 things every husband should know about his low-libido wife. These simple truths can completely transform your marriage and your marriage bed, too!
How to Achieve Sex Satisfaction for the Christian Marriage
3 Things Every Husband Needs to Know About His Low-Libido Wife:
1. She still loves you.
Over the years as we’ve coached married couples where the wife suffers from low libido, we’ve found that the husbands often take it personally, as they believe it is their fault. Most men view sex with their wives as an outward expression of their love for her. So it’s no wonder why many husbands also feel like their wives don’t love them when they are not in the mood for sex.
But we’re here to tell you this is not likely the case. When women suffer from a low sex drive, and sex satisfaction for the Christian marriage is difficult, there are a variety of factors that could be the root cause. Some of the most common causes for low-libido in wives are:
- hormonal changes
- unhealthy lifestyle habits
- medical conditions (ie: depression, anxiety, disease, etc)
- poor self-image
- past hurts/unresolved issues
- trust issues
- past traumatic experiences
- mental health issues
- and the list goes on and on…
Here’s the thing: Your wife is going through something out of her control and she needs your help to identify the source and work through it. She still loves you but she needs your help to navigate through this season of your marriage. The more you can be there to support her, the quicker she can work through this and the stronger your marriage will be.
2. You can help put her in the mood.
In talking with hundreds of couples about sex satisfaction for the Christian and Christian low libido, we’ve been surprised by the number of husbands who simply did not know how to help their wives get into the mood. While every woman is different, we encourage you to talk to your wife about the things that make her tick. This is an important conversation to have periodically, and wonderful Christian sex advice for married couples, because as her body changes, so can her body’s response to sexual stimulation.
Another approach to take is to make sure you take the time to explore your wife’s body so she can tell you what she does and does not like. Some women may already know what arouses them while others may have no idea, thus leading to a low sex drive. Either way, this is a great way to help your wife get back on track and help increase her libido.
3. It’s important to encourage her, not make her feel bad.
Husbands, while it may be frustrating that your wife is not interested in sex right now, give her grace. She already feels bad that she is not pleasing her husband in this area and making her feel guilty about it won’t help at all. Do everything you can not to take it personally. The truth is, if you say or do anything to make her feel even worse, you are likely creating another layer for her to overcome her low sex drive.
One thing to keep in mind is that having a low libido is a stark contrast from not being “in the mood” to do chores or other things (ie: work, grocery shop, etc). Sex satisfaction for the Christian, and sexual desire, are deeply rooted in our spiritual, psychological, and physical condition. Your wife needs you to encourage her to keep trying and needs to feel supported regardless of her sexual performance. She also needs to know that you are not mad at her and that you understand what she is going through.
While many women go through seasons of having a low sex drive, it is not impossible to overcome. As long as you support your wife, commit to praying together, and give her the grace she needs, you two can walk on the other side of this together. Before you know it you will both be enjoying a healthy Christian sexuality in your marriage again and your love for one another will be stronger as a result. You can do this!
Michael + Carlie Kercheval have been smitten by one another for over 2 decades. They were college sweethearts before marrying one another in June of 2000. They are the masterminds behind the course, From Roommates to Soulmates™, and co-authors of the popular marriage devotional: Consecrated Conversations. Together they founded Fulfilling Your Vows™ in obedience to the ministry God has placed in their hearts to help equip couples for biblical marriage. Mike and Carlie have three precious children and currently reside in Colorado.