Ahem. Clear throat.
Today I’m sharing a post called “5 Reasons Why Christian Women Need to Have More Sex” as part of the 31 Days to a Better Marriage series and I’ll just be honest: I’m scared spitless.
I’m beyond terrified to “go there.” After all, is sex in the Bible? Is it okay to talk about sex in Christian marriage?
This area – marriage bed tips – is one of those areas which I do not claim to be an expert in.
Yet I find the topic so biblically underdeveloped (yes, sex is in the Bible!) that I sense a need to at least blow a trumpet and remind us all where our sights need to be when it comes to physical intimacy and a Christian sex life.
I’ve been married a long time. Like over 20 years. And I can say the topic of sexual intimacy and sex in a Christian marriage is a tender one, a sensitive one, to me. Nothing has brought heartache… and joy… to my life and marriage quite like the marriage bed.
I’ve cried desperate tears and prayed desperate prayers and I’ve learned something about sexual intimacy: God made it good; and it’s a symbol of deep spiritual realities.
These realizations keep opening my eyes to new wonder and fresh potential regarding Christian marriage and sex.
They keep me yearning for a deeper understanding of God through the marriage bed.
They do something else too: they prompt me to pray God’s words back to Him in regards to my sexual relationship with my husband. I keep asking for more ground in this promised land called the Marriage Bed.
Because here’s the deal: I believe the greatest reason Christian women have ho-hum sex lives is because we have a watered down vision regarding sexual intimacy.
When sex is just about feeling good…
or pared down to a set of rules like “don’t do it before marriage and do it after”…
when sex is an obligation or marriage duty, when it is associated with guilt… or shame… or just plain exhaustion.. we lose sight of the glory God intended to display through the marriage bed.
We become vision-less to the depth and grace of sexual intimacy. We begin to wonder what the big deal is anyway?
This is what happens when we’ve lost the eyes to see the grandeur, the mystery, the deeper implications and sacred holiness of our sexuality.
I believe the greatest thing we as Christian women can do to regain our sight, our spark and our sizzle in the bedroom is not to try a new technique or purchase new lingerie.
It isn’t to read a steamy book or watch a soft porn movie.
I believe the greatest thing we can do is pray for vision.
When Jesus asked the vision-less man, “What do you want?” his response was the expected.
“To see,” he replied.
Do we likewise realize how blind we are to the spiritual dimensions of sexual intimacy?
Do we realize how we’ve dumbed it down? And do we really want to see?
Sight is what I want. I want to see the beauty, the gift, the power, the glory, the grandeur and holiness of Christian marriage sex as God intended. I want that for us as a whole, for every Christian woman whose birthright has given her this inheritance.
Today I’d like to share 7 scriptures and prayers I pray for my sex life. As personal as this is ~ I share it with a bit of nausea in my stomach ~ my prayer is that others crying those desperate tears and praying those desperate prayers would be encouraged to see God. Yes, through your sexuality.
I pray each of us gain a godly vision for the Christian marriage bed, one that presses far beyond the do’s and don’ts, beyond the should’s and could’s to the Glory available here; and may each of us who know Christ possess a sexual union with our spouse enviable to those without Christ.
My challenge for us is to take the next seven days and pray one verse a day for our sex lives. That’s it! I’ve even prepared printable scripture cards you can use for the next seven days. If you are ready for more of God in your marriage bed, don’t miss this ready-made opportunity to pray God’s word over your sex life.
I bet you’ll be glad you did~ wink~
For His Glory,
The Christian Wife’s Guide to Better Sex.**
1. “That in all things, He may have preeminence.” Colossians 1:18
Lord, I believe my sexuality is not primarily about me. It isn’t primarily about my spouse. It’s mostly about Jesus Christ. I believe You have made me a sexual being and desire to make a theological statement – a statement about YOU and YOUR Glory- in my sexuality.
May You be the One of pre-eminance in my sex life. I want the message my sexuality communicates to be worthy of You: clean, strong, pure, noble, beautiful, and full of Glory. Lord Jesus, I invite You now to do in my life what it takes for You to be pre-eminent in my sex life.
2. “For everything created by God is good.” I Timothy 4:3-5
God, You are the maker of sex. Not Hollywood. Not some romance book. You. And everything You make is good. This includes sex. There are many ways sex has been perverted over time and in our culture. There are many wrong ways to use, misuse, and abuse sex. These sinful distortions of sex sear the heart and can affect how I perceive sex.
But because You created sex as good, I will not reject it as bad, dirty, or ungodly. I will not reject it as taboo or see it as duty but will receive it as a gift to both give and receive.
I ask that You would take my step of faith and sanctify sex to me, in my body… in my emotions… and in my mind. Take the truth of Your word and shape my belief system regarding sex around it. Do something I cannot do, Lord. I commit afresh to praying Your word over my sex life, believing that it will be sanctified in practice as I ponder and receive Your truth. Rewrite my sex script to line up with Your word which says sex is holy, good, and the marriage bed undefiled.
“For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with gratitude; for it is sanctified by means of the word of God and prayer.” I Timothy 4:3-5
3. “Whatever you do, do all to the Glory of God.” I Corinthians 10:31
Father, I believe Your word when it says I can do everything in a way that portrays You as beautiful and glorious. My sex life can bring You great glory. Lord, give me a vision for what that looks like. Through Hollywood, pop culture and the world, I’ve been given visions of what un-glorified sex looks like. I know what fleshly passion looks like; now give me a vision of what sexual passion and intimacy that honors You looks like.
For Your honor I ask this, amen!
4. “They were naked and not ashamed.” Genesis 2:25
Creator God, when You made people and gave the gift of sex, there was no shame in it. Sexual shame was not Your original intent; sin is what ushered in shame. Yet even in that, You have provided a covering for sin and the removal of shame. Lord, I can have such deep feelings of shame in this area of sex but I thank You for the covering You have provided for me. Just as You killed an animal to cover the nakedness- the exposure, vulnerability, and shame- of Adam and Eve after their sin, You have provided the perfect, spotless Lamb to cover me. Even as I confess to You my sin and shame, I receive the covering You have given in Your love and kindness. Thank You for Jesus!
5. “Run from sexual sin!” I Corinthians 6:18-20
You are holy, Lord. You desire holiness in my sexuality and I do too. Help me to recognize sexual impurities, temptations and fleshly lusts and grant me the strength to FLEE them. My body, mind, and emotions are Yours, Lord. As such, I desire to present the members of my body and mind to You, as instruments of righteousness, not as instruments of sin. Help me to honor You in and through my body.
6. “Outdo one another in showing honor.” Romans 12:10
Lord, I have a desire to sexually bless my spouse and outdo him in love. I desire to be a vessel of grace to him. I desire to be a loving doe and fruitful vine. And when fear at these very words enter my heart, I choose to trust that fear is not from You for You have not given me a spirit of fear but of Love, power, and a sound mind… even in regards to the gift of sex.
Thank You Lord!
7. “Finally, whatever is commendable, excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8
Lord, You have made our brains to be the biggest sex organ we have. Our minds are so involved in our sexuality and sexual behavior! I desire my thought life in regards to sex to be full of things that are true, lovely, and of good report.
And even as I ask this, I see how woefully short I fall in my thinking. How vision-less I tend to be when it comes to sex. How lacking I am in praise worthy things regarding sex. So please full up my mind with good fuel when it comes to sex. Help me be cognizant of TRUE things, good things, excellent, lovely, and pure things. Bring to mind the remembrance of these things, Lord and be glorified as my thinking changes to reflect sexual thoughts that honor You.
Thank You God for the gift of sex. Use it in my life to make much of Your name.
How about it? Pray just one of these scriptures a day for the next 7 days?
7 verses in 7 days… that’s it! No rules, no tricks, no techniques… just prayer. And see how the Lord works?
Grab your copy of The Christian Wife’s Guide to Better Sex by visiting our shop here.**
And be sure to visit 31 Days to a Better Marriage for more encouragement on cultivating a godly marriage.
If you are still searching for Christian sex advice, please check out this book by Sheila Wray Gregoire. Sheila shares wonderful tips for a married Christian sex-life in this book and helps us to see how culture has made our view of sex very shallow.