Is Porn in Marriage Ok?

One of the questions about Christian sex I receive often is, “Is porn in marriage ok?” I’m thankful to have my friend, Brittany, here to walk through this topic with you if you are struggling with this question.

Have you ever wondered about the use of porn in Christian sex and marriage? We’re tackling the question, “Is porn in marriage ok?”

Not surprisingly, with the influence of television, movies, music, and literature, many women have become more and more confused with the use of pornography in their marriage. Our current culture not only condones the use of pornography, but glorifies it. Just look at episodes of the incredibly popular TV show Friends. There is an episode in which a married Monica givers her husband pornography as a present. But, does that make it right? That’s the question for the day.

Is Porn in Marriage Ok?

To answer this we first need to consider these questions –  What is the role of marriage? What is the role of our sexuality in marriage?

The Role of Marriage

In our current culture we talk about getting married to someone because we “fell in love” with them. Of course this expression makes it seem as though you can fall “out” of love. Love is a choice, not something that happens by chance. That on the other hand is lust.

Lust and love are very different.

Lust says – I want to be with you because of the way you make me feel.

Love says – I choose to be with you and I’m committed to you.

There are days in marriage when you are spittin’ mad at each other. You get angry because of some disagreement, miscommunication, or even sin. BUT, you choose to remain committed, faithful, and work it out because you LOVE your husband. Lust walks away, Love sees it through.

Think about 1 Corinthians 13:4-8:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Our marriage not only serves to do earthly things like create families and share love, but it also serves an eternal purpose – to point others to Christ.

Let’s look at Ephesians 5: 25-30:

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body.

What an incredible command for husbands, especially considering the culture in which this was first taught! The role of marriage here is clear – love your wife like Christ loves the church. When the world looks at our marriage they should see how much Christ loves us.

So, not only does marriage have incredible earthly benefits such as love, children, and sex, but marriage also carries the weight of being a beacon to the world of how much Christ loves us. This is why it’s so important that we have a full and healthy understanding of married Christian sexuality. So is porn in marriage ok?

What is the role of sexuality in marriage?

Let’s go back to the lust vs love example – Is sexuality in marriage about “me” or about “us”?

In Proverbs 5:18-20 a young married man is warned about adultery, and right at the end of this chapter we see this –

May your fountain be blessed,
    and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer—
    may her breasts satisfy you always,
    may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife?
    Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?

There are many Scriptures similar to this one throughout the Bible that provide Christian sex advice, celebrating and encouraging frequent and pleasing marital sex, and that deny any other form of sexuality calling it sin.

Matthew 5:28 says that if a man even lusts after a women in his heart he has committed adultery! Wow!

Sex in marriage not only produces children, but also an incredible intimacy. This intimacy is not just between two bodies, but two souls. That’s why you read magazines in the check out line that are constantly trying to sell you on the next best thing that will spice up your sex life. Every month they struggle to come up with a way to bring two bodies together in a way that will fulfill the God-given desire of soul-level intimacy that can only be experienced when celebrated though God’s perfect design.

{If you struggle with libido, please check these resources for Christian low libido.}

So, is porn in marriage ok? Is pornography in marriage something you should even experiment with? All these three things together – marriage serves both an earthly and eternal purpose, sexuality is to be celebrated only in marriage, and that even lust is considered adultery – leads me to believe that the use of pornography inside or outside of marriage is not part of God’s plan for us.

And just like any sin – it looks good at first but ultimately leads to destruction instead of freedom.

 

If you are working to rebuild sexual intimacy after trust has been broken, please read this post:
Regaining Sexual Intimacy After Your Spouse Has Broken Trust

 

Brittany is a stay at home mom of 2 little girls and she has been married to her husband for 10 years! She is passionate about helping moms get and stay organized so that they can invest in what really matters – their husband and kids. She is also a lover of cookies, crafts, and sweet tea. Join her for practical advice on organizing, decluttering, parenting and marriage at Little Cottage Life.

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