**This is a guest post by my friend, Kelly Balerie.
Hungry, I wanted to devour a double chocolate croissant, 2-slices of banana bread and an extra hot vanilla latte. I ordered eggs.
The good voice won. It said, “Eat eggs, Kelly, and stay fit.”
These voices in my mind fight often. Many days, I listen to the tempting voice (“You know you want me!”), other days I stay the course. A glance down at my uniform yoga pants usually does the trick.
Instead of tugging around guilt and/or shame, these days I try to cart around thoughts like this…
Eat healthy = feel healthy.
Eat cruddy = feel cruddy.
Sweet treats are an occasional ‘nice to meet.’
No longer is my mind so controlled, so managed. No longer is my day centered around food. No longer is the weight of my emotions dependent on what happened at lunch.
Thank you God! And, I mean this – thank you God. He rescued me from an eating disorder. He rescued me from my compulsive nature. And, he continues to rescue me from deep fears try to grip me.
Now, rather than fretting I’ll get fat or that I ate too much, God gives me a new voice to listen to – it’s His. It reminds me:
- Control is but a mist you can never truly grasp. If you know this, you decide, why bother with trying to stranglehold my weight and appearance?
- God is the only answer to the peace that eludes me. Do you know how many times I’ve grabbed a cookie to bring peace to my stomach of panic? It’s like a minute-refuge that delivers a sugar rush. But, only God is peace and what you eat, lands in your stomach after 30-seconds.
- Some days are good days. Some days are bad days. I am not the sum of what I eat – or what I do. There will be days I make mistakes, yet there will also be days I do great. God loves me independent of a daily report card.
I process this information often. I consider how important it is.
So, this week, when I sat down at the cafe and overheard a mother food-shaming her 2-year old kid, my nerves stood on edge. No, don’t set this little tyke up for this life battle.
Her words replayed and replayed in my mind: “Eww…You eat disgusting. You are a mess. You clean up your act when I return from work.”
I could almost imagine him 10-years later trying to hide, rather than eat in front of his mom. I could almost imagine experiencing guilt when he sat down for a meal. I could almost image him hating himself.
But, as quick as I was to condemn her, God was quick to remind me of this: Kelly, you talk to your own heart just like she talks to that boy.
Kelly, you look horrible. People see your mess. You better clean up.
How can I condemn her, when so often, the mean voice constantly condemns me?
And, so, I circle back…to truths:
- Control is a mist. I am not perfect. I will never be all people want me to be, however I am just as God loves me.
- God is the only answer to peace. If I let God’s words fill me, they will heal me and my self-hating words will flee.
- Some days are good. Some days are bad. It is a journey and I am at the helm, with God. He will bring me to land. Yes, we will hit storms, but, yet again, the sun will return tomorrow.
And, knowing His voice is like hearing the voice of a daddy that reminds you: You’re beautiful, exactly the way you are.
About Kelly’s book, Fear Fighting, Awakening the Courage to Overcome Your Fears:
Author and Speaker, Kelly Balarie didn’t always fight fear – for a large part of her life, she was controlled by it. Yet, in her book, Fear Fighting: Awakening Courage to Overcome Your Fears, with God, Kelly charts a new course. Join Kelly, on the journey to go and grow with Christ’s bravery, the Spirit’s counsel and God’s unending love that squelches fear. This book reads like a love letter from God, while offering practical heart-calming prayers, anxiety-reducing tips, and courage-building decrees that will transform your day. www.fearfightingbook.com
About Kelly Balarie:
Kelly is both a Cheerleader of Faith and a Fighter of Fear. She leans on the power of God, rests on the shoulder of Christ, and discovers how to glow in the dark places of life. Get all Kelly’s blog posts by email or visit her on her blog, Purposeful Faith. You can also find a variety of resources for your fight against fear here.