We’ve been looking at various aspects of Christian sex in this series, trying to candidly answer questions about this topic. Today my friend, Angela, is here to share what the Bible says about how to have Christian sex.
It’s time to be blunt.
Christians should be confident in the bedroom.
Yes – the world talks about it more than we do. But I want to assure you – the Christian should have an advantage in this area, as we saw in the Christian sex guide!
God created intimacy for the marriage relationship. He created man and woman to work together. Two parts of a puzzle that fit perfectly together.
Can non-Christians be in rightful marriages (not adultery) and enjoy fulfilling physical intimacy? Yes. But, they will always be missing something – intimacy based on trusting the Creator of all things and the blessings he designed with in marriage.
The non-Christian looks to conflicting sources from men for how to create a satisfying sex life.
How to Have Christian Sex
Being a Christian Makes a Difference
The Christian looks to the designer of the human body for how to have a satisfying sex life. This view allows for freedom, confidence and a deeper knowledge of the rightness of how things work.
Knowledge of God’s truth and how they impact marriage takes intimacy in marriage to a different level.
God’s Word teaches everything a couple needs to know about how to have Christian sex, and about having a healthy happy marriage.
In a marriage between Christians, the physical relationship becomes so much more than just meeting those physical needs. It’s a symbol of all the ways they come together and fulfill the design God created in the beginning – that it was not good for him to be alone and she would meet his needs (Genesis 2:18, 21-25).
God Shows Us the Difference in Scripture
Let me show you what I mean:
In Song of Solomon we see the Shulamite and the Shepherd both expressing their anticipation of the physical relationship and marriage. But within the same conversation they show intimacy through mental compatibility, emotional compatibility, and respect for one another’s talents.
When the Shulamite remembers how the Shepherd described her in Song of Solomon 4:8-15, his focus was on how she made him feel (verse 9-10), her simple beauty, how her love was intoxicating, made him feel good, and was relaxing (verses 10). He also talked about how her lips were sweet but so were the words that she spoke to him. Her speech was full of good things and were beneficial to him (verse 11; Prov. 16:24). The Shepherd also knew that the Shulamite protected her purity, but that she was going to be a source of health, excitement and calm to him. He referred to her as fresh water and a flowing stream which are terms of strength, health and benefit.
The Shulamite’s response is basically, “Oh, let me be all of these things to him.” (Song of Solomon 4:16)
We also get a glimpse of what the Shulamite saw, and expected, of her Shepherd in Song of Solomon 5:10-16.
While she describes her outstanding man, she uses words that not only reference his looks, but also his value and his work ethic.
She talks about his eyes. They are calm, clear and healthy. Just looking in his eyes tells her that he doesn’t waste time using intoxicants or being anxious.
She mentions that he is healthy and outdoorsy.
Just as he appreciated her speech, she says he speaks words that are good for her and might make her go weak in the knees too (verses 13, 16). His hands are RODS – strength. His abdomen is CARVED – hard working, strength, discipline. His legs are PILLARS – strength, hard working. His feet are PURE gold – he has been refined by struggles and has come out precious as gold. His legs are like CHOICE CEDAR TREES – again, strength, hearty, of great worth because of his known qualities.
She says he is WHOLLY desirable. This is a man she will enjoy being with every day, whether in the bedroom or out of it. What a beautiful picture of what married Christian sexuality can be.
In Song of Solomon 8:6 we read the vows they make to each other – the Shepherd asks that she put a SEAL over her heart and wear it on her arm, that their love will be strong as death.
The Complete Package
God shows us how to talk about intimate topics while still being modest. He is very clear that there is pleasure to be found in “knowing” one another as man and wife. While there is an element of our just knowing what’s supposed to happen, He still teaches us. What He teaches focuses on the WHY of this aspect of marriage. What a blessing that we have this knowledge of how to have Christian sex
According to scripture, sex is:
Obedience to God – Gen. 1:28; 2:24
Faith in how He made things to work – Hebrews 11:11
A part of the trust between a couple – Song of Solomon 8:6-7
Fulfilling a God-given need – Gen. 2:18-25 and 1 Cor. 7:3-4
Protection from temptation – 1 Cor. 7:2, 5, 33-34
Blessed when held sacred in marriage – Heb. 13:5; Prov. 5:15-19
To Christians, marriage is each one looking out for the needs of the other (Eph. 5:28-29; Prov. 31:11-12). Sex is only one part of that – but as 1 Corinthians 7 shows, it is an important part.
Own the Difference
While the world may have marriages with fulfilling sex lives and couples who choose monogamy, what they will always lack is the WHY. When you don’t know the WHY of the way things are it is hard to be confident that the way you’ve chosen is right, good, and valuable.
Satan will chip away and allow breaks in what should be a solid marriage when the marriage isn’t bound by the truths of God’s Word. God gave us armor that even serves in the bedroom (Eph. 6:10-17).
This knowledge brings freedom in learning how to have Christian sex because you are not hampered by thoughts of not being built correctly to please your spouse or lacking in the know-how.
Once you are free to see that you are perfectly built to meet your husband’s needs, confidence will help you to trust in God’s plan and His design without needing others to fill in the blanks that truly do not exist.
The deeper knowledge of all of this brings you straight back to a loving Creator Who created you to be the wife to your husband. To be a wife in all those ways and to do so in a way that “does him good and not evil” (Prov. 31:12).
Now go be the wife God made you to be (because you CAN)! Enjoy!
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If you need additional support in the area of Christian sex, please be sure to check these resources:
Top Christian Sex Blogs: Fantastic Resources for the Christian Marriage
What’s So Beautiful About Sex, Anyway?
Angela Legg is creator of www.thediligentwoman.com where she blogs about using God’s Word to find the confidence to be a warrior for God and your family every day. She has been married for over 23 years and has five daughters. Her greatest love is for women to know the confidence of being the woman God made each to be. She loves studying the Scriptures, sharing of the love and sacrifice given for us through the blood of Christ, and how that love translates into every aspect of our lives. She believes the Bible is a book of love from God that is to be used as a textbook for life. You can find Angela on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter.