Today my sweet friend Kaylene is sharing transparently about struggling in prayer… and wondering if God really listens. It’s an honor to have her on the blog today…
Not too long ago I wasn’t sure God heard my prayers, and even if He did that He would care to answer a girl who had a past others couldn’t seem to overlook. I wasn’t sure He considered this piece of dust something important enough to converse with.
I halfway expected He would just poke at the wounds everyone else enjoyed taking a jab at.
As a result I was yoked with shame, rejection, anger, and unforgiveness. I didn’t know how to love, but I sure knew how to be quietly hateful and bitter. That’s what happens when you are silenced and overpowered your whole life.
Occasionally I would hear of this Father/daughter relationship, even a deep intimacy with our Heavenly Father. I thought it strange, yet it seemed safe. And I desired the joy I saw on the other woman’s face as she shared.
Time went by and I hit a rock bottom spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Even physically my body was no longer functioning properly. I walked around with this hurt in my chest where my heart was supposed to be. It felt empty. I felt old and weary; weak and forgotten.
After an especially harsh evening filled with rude words spewing from my husband, I ran.
I ran far. Until my bare feet were bleeding and my body was exhausted. There in the middle of a dirt and gravel road in the middle of nowhere, I screamed at the Lord and threw rocks at His sky.
I had one request of Him, “Show up or kill me now. I can’t take this anymore.” (I shared more of this story in my first book.)
Long story short, God showed up as this piece of living dust sat in the soil of His earth. He had to. It’s what He does for those of us who turn full on toward Him, sold out, broken, and desperate.
There began my journey of earnestly seeking Him; being completely sold out for Him.
He gave me a desire for life again, and He whispered sweet promises to me ensuring me that He knows, He sees, and He cares.
All I had to do was believe Him for it. All I had to do was seek Him first, desire His love first, and trust that what He says in His Word is mine to cherish and live.
Yes. His promises are mine and yours to claim, cherish, and live. No matter how far we have gone, “Even if you have been banished to the most distant land (or darkest sin, or deepest despair) under the heavens, from there the Lord your God will gather you and bring you back…The Lord will again delight in you and make you prosperous, just as He delighted in your fathers, if you obey the Lord your God and keep His commands…and turn to the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul.” (Deuteronomy 30:4,9-10)
You see, friend, when we relentlessly and repeatedly turn to God He notices. I believe sometimes the reason He doesn’t answer is because He “is testing you to find out if you really love Him with all your heart and with all your soul.” (Deuteronomy 13:3)
He wants to know our depth. He desires to capture our hearts. He approves of the one whose voice continually seeks Him despite the things they are going through. Deuteronomy 13:4 goes on to say “Worship the Lord your God, fear him, obey His commands, listen to what He says, serve Him, and be loyal to Him.”
If we will only humble ourselves and pray, seek His face and turn from our self inclined ways, He promises to hear from heaven, forgive our sin and heal the lands we walk through each day. (inspired by 2 Chronicles 7:14) I have come to trust that when I follow the instructions in His Word, He heals our internal lands such as our heart, mind, soul and health, as well as our external lands such as our jobs, our home, our marriage, and our relationships with our children.
Could you use a bit of healing somewhere?
Deuteronomy 29:12-13 says, “call on Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you…seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.“
To help you in your journey toward a more healed life, I would like to recommend three new Scripture prayer books.
- 40 Scripture-based Prayers to Pray Over Your Husband – the “just prayers” version of A Wife’s 40-day Fasting & Prayer Journal
- 40 Scripture-based Prayers to Pray Over Your Wife
- 40 Scripture-based Prayers to Pray Over Your Children
Each prayer in these books incorporates God’s Word, asking His healing, blessing, correction, and presence into every situation you or your family may be going through.
Won’t you join me in doing as He says in 2 Chronicles 7:14 and throughout Scripture? To be humble enough to pray, seek Him, and turn from any revealed sin so He may heal us, renew us, and live powerfully through us.
I believe it starts with prayer. I personally love prayers embedded in Scripture. However, no matter how short, long, angry, or eloquent, our Father is waiting to hear from us.
Kaylene Yoder tackles her callings of wife and mom through the power of love and persistent prayer. She and her husband, Sam, make their home in rural USA, surrounded by cornfields, blue skies, and their three children. Using truth, encouragement, and wisdom, Kaylene ministers through her website, Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram. Above all, she is a simple girl whose greatest desire is to love and obey her Heavenly Father.