Many of us grew up hearing messages about Christian sex from well-meaning adults. Unfortunately, those messages may have all focused completely on avoiding sex. My friend, Brittany Ann, is here to share Christian sex rules you need to know.
Sex is dirty, immoral, scandalous and shameful. If you have sex, you’ll ruin your purity, ruin your future, and God will be very, very disappointed in you. So you better stay at least six inches (six feet is better) away from the opposite sex at all times, just in case you might get tempted.
… At least that’s the message I got from the church I grew up in.
At the time, the message didn’t really bother me. After all, I did agree (and still do) that sex outside of marriage is a bad idea, and that setting boundaries to avoid temptation is wise. I also trusted that the leaders were doing their best, and that they really did have our best interests at heart.
What I wasn’t prepared for, however, is how the messages I was taught as an adolescent would shape my views of sex even after I was married.
After all, all of the messages I had heard as an adolescent focused on avoiding sex at all costs. No one told me how — within the confines of marriage — Christian sex is actually a wonderful gift from God. No one thought to mention that I could enjoy it. No one shared God-honoring Christian sex tips for a healthy Christian sexuality.
You just don’t talk about Christian sex rules you need to know, in church, do you?
Unfortunately, while I’ve managed to overcome the most popular lies Christian women believe about sex, I know many Christian women are still missing out.
They’re missing out on a closer, stronger relationship with their husband. They’re missing out on a fullness of understanding of God’s plan for marriage. And unfortunately, as a result, many are living with strong feelings of guilt, shame and emptiness.
Could this be true of you? Are the misguided, overly strict purity messages you heard as a young girl still robbing you from freedom and fullness today? If so, it may be helpful to put those messages you heard aside for a minute in order to go back and see what the Bible really has to say about Christian sex within marriage.
What Does the Bible Say About Sex Outside of Marriage?
While the Bible doesn’t mention the phrase “sex outside of marriage” specifically, the Bible is very clearly against “sexual immorality,” even stating that those who regularly engage in sexual immorality will not enter Heaven.
You can find sexual immorality mentioned in verses such as:
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” — Hebrews 13:4
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” –1 Corinthians 6:18
“Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men” –1 Corinthians 6:9
For most of this, this isn’t news. We know that sex outside of marriage violates God’s design. The issue is how we should view Christian sex after we’re married.
What Does the Bible Say About Sex Within Marriage
So what does the Bible say about Christian sex within marriage? Well, you may be surprised about the biblical perspective on married Christian sexuality and the Christian sex rules you need to know. There are multiple verses that actually instruct Christian married couples TO have sex! It’s God’s intended design for marriage, and it’s Biblical!
“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” — Genesis 2:24
“Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” –1 Corinthians 7:5
In fact, there was even an Old Testament law that said that a newly married man could not go off to war, because he had to be home to “bring happiness to the wife he has married.” Ooh la la.
“If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.” — Deuteronomy 24:5
Can Christians Enjoy Sex?
Reading the verses above, you may think, “Sure, Christian sex is allowed, but it sounds awfully boring — more like a duty, not something to really embrace and enjoy.” And I agree, those verses do sound pretty plain and boring.
BUT you don’t have to look very far to find other Christian sex rules you need to know. There are verses about Christian sex that are a little more… shocking… in nature. I won’t even elaborate on these. Feel free to use your imagination…
“A loving doe, a graceful deer—
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be intoxicated with her love”
“Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside,
let us spend the night in the villages.
Let us go early to the vineyards
to see if the vines have budded,
if their blossoms have opened,
and if the pomegranates are in bloom—
there I will give you my love.
The mandrakes send out their fragrance,
and at our door is every delicacy,
both new and old,
that I have stored up for you, my beloved.”
–Song of Songs 7:11-13
“Awake, north wind,
and come, south wind!
Blow on my garden,
that its fragrance may spread everywhere.
Let my beloved come into his garden
and taste its choice fruits.”
–Song of Solomon 4:16
As someone who grew up in the middle of the purity movement, I can totally understand the misconceptions that sex isn’t very holy, that it has to look a certain way, or that “good girls don’t do things like that.” And yes there are still some rules for our protection (like keeping it within the confines of marriage).
But the Bible definitely isn’t the uptight, boring prude it has the reputation of being.
God invented sex; it was His idea. There’s no need to feel ashamed or shy. It’s His gift to you for the good of your marriage. So armed with these Christian sex rules you need to know, go ahead — enjoy yourself! And be sure to check out our Christian sex guide to read more about what’s okay in the bedroom!
A devoted Christian, wife and mother, Brittany loves helping other women grow in these roles as well. She does this primarily through her website, EquippingGodlyWomen.com, where she regularly challenges, encourages and equips Christian women to be “all in” in faith and family. Brittany is also the author of Putting God First and the creator of the Quiet Time Planning Guide, a free guide to help Christian women make regular Bible reading a priority.