Have you ever wondered what’s okay in the bedroom, in terms of Christian sex? Today, my friend, Aimee, is here with a Christian sex guide to answer some of your questions in a very candid way!
Let’s talk about sex. More precisely, let’s chat about what’s ok in the bedroom and what’s not. I’m sure you are all on the edge of your seats wondering what I’m going to say on this topic. We do need healthy and Godly Christian sex advice when it comes to sex. Our culture is drowning in a wrong – and sinful – view of sex. And because of this, many Christians are confused about healthy sex in the Christian marriage.
The Purposes of Sex
Maybe we should state the purposes of sex in marriage just to give us a working foundation for what’s next.
We all know that in order to have children, we need to be having sex. So, one purpose of sex is to make babies.
But that’s not the only reason God created sex. God created sex to help draw a husband and wife closer together and He encourages us to engage in sex on a regular basis.
“Do not deprive (defraud, rob) one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
1 Corinthians 7:5 NKJV
According to God, sex is very, very good. He doesn’t create anything that isn’t wonderful and beautiful, right? But here’s the thing: Our enemy, the one who is hell-bent on destroying the institution of marriage, wants us to think that there are strict rules and limits on sex that keep us from having fun. If we believe that sex is not very fun, then we are less likely to engage in it. If we are not ‘doing it’, then the marriage will be negatively affected. Husband and wife are neglecting one of the most intimate ways we can strengthen the marriage union – and we become easy targets.
Christian Sex Guide
What’s Not OK
Since God created sex, let’s see what He has to say about what’s not ok.
Here is a straightforward list of what Scripture says is not permitted in marriage:
- Adultery – no one except for husband and wife is permitted in the marriage bed. Period. Matthew 5:28 is very clear on sex with someone other than your spouse is strictly prohibited. This includes our thought life and emotions, not just the act itself.
- Pornography – this ties in with adultery. When you watch or read pornography, you are inviting someone else into your marriage bed. Is porn in marriage ok? No. Porn is a clear and definite NO.
- Fornication – this is sex outside of marriage. I Corinthians 7:2 is quite clear that fornication is prohibited. Take note that the Greek word for fornication is porneia.
- Incest, Pedophilia, Rape, and Bestiality – this one should be a ‘no-brainer’. (Interesting fact: The Greek word porneia includes acts such as intercourse with close relatives)
And that’s our list of ‘not OK’. I’d say it’s a short list and a pretty simple one to keep.
Then, What Is OK?
When we look at Scripture, we know that God is very clear on things that are prohibited. His Word is the ultimate Christian sex guide. This means that if He has not strictly forbidden it, then we are probably free to ‘indulge’. But, sometimes we still need direction. Here are the questions my husband and I discuss:
1. Is it strictly forbidden? No, then go on to question 2. If it is, don’t do it.
2. Is it physically safe? Yes? Then go to question 3. If it isn’t safe or it is harmful, then don’t do it.
3. Does it harm your relationship? No – go to Question 4! Yes? Stop!
4. Do you both agree on it? Yes – well, keep going! No? Well, talk about it. Find out why. Discuss alternatives.
5. Last one…does it draw you closer together as a couple? Yes – DO IT! No? Then don’t.
So, if it isn’t forbidden in the Bible, it’s safe and not harmful to your relationship, you both agree on it, and it makes you closer to your spouse, then go for it! Our God is not unimaginative or conservative when it comes to intimacy within marriage. He is super fun. And He created sex to be fun, to be enjoyable.
So, in the words of Nike, Just Do It!
Maybe you are wondering about a few other…umm…awkward things when it comes to sex. Let’s just go ahead and talk about them, then, as part of our Christian sex guide.
Well, I’m just going to flat out say this one isn’t a good idea. Some Christians may disagree, and I don’t think it’s something that would be a ‘deal-breaker’ with God. But there are concerns about it not passing question #2. Is it an outright sin? No, I don’t think so. But I don’t think it is beneficial. However, this is my opinion based upon my research. If this practice is a ‘must-do’ in your marriage, then do your own research and prayerfully consider what God wants for your marriage.
Everything is permissible for me—but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me—but I will not be mastered by anything.
1 Corinthians 6:12
OK, I’ve got 2 scripture references here that support oral sex. Can you guess which book they are from? If you said Song of Solomon, then you are exactly right!
Like an apple tree among the trees of the woods, So is my beloved among the sons. I sat down in his shade with great delight, And his fruit was sweet to my taste. Song of Solomon 2:3
Awake, O north wind, And come, O south! Blow upon my garden, That its spices may flow out. Let my beloved come to his garden and eat its pleasant fruits. Song of Solomon 4:16
It’s not prohibited by God and it is physically safe, so, as long as you both agree on it, then go ahead;). PS: See? Sex isn’t just for making babies!
Sex Toys & Aids
It’s so much easier when we can find things in God’s Word that are clear do’s and don’t’s, isn’t it? God is pretty clear on what is forbidden. Sex toys and other aids are not among those…so…to me, that means it’s totally fine within a marriage. In fact, some aids may be very helpful for the woman who has difficulty having an orgasm. If you can clear questions 2-5 above, then joyfully try out something new.
God Created Sex
God created sex for our pleasure. He created it as to be one more way to serve our spouse in a loving way. Sex is supposed to be fun and free – not an area of bondage. Our list of restrictions is small and they exist to help us maintain the focus on deepening intimacy with our spouse, and creating a healthy married Christian sexuality.
What are some do’s and don’t’s you have wondered about?
How can you use the 5 questions above to cultivate healthy intimacy in your marriage?
Aimee has included a “Do It Decision Tree” that can help you remember what God’s Word says. Use the link below to download it.
You can download it here: Christian Sex Guide
Aimee is a home educating support teacher who lives in the sunny Okanagan, BC. Aimee has been blissfully married since 1998 and she still swoons at the sight of her tall, dark and handsome husband, Marcus. When she isn’t home educating her 3 kids, she enjoys sewing, quilting, scrapbooking, baking, writing and hanging out with her family. Aimee is a certified teacher who works from home, supporting and encouraging homeschool families. She blogs over at A Work of Grace. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram.