I must confess. I’ve been angry at God. That ugly, incredibly uncomfortable, I can’t even talk to you kind of anger. Have you been there?
Many times over the course of my lifetime I’ve found myself in that space. There were years trapped deep in the throes of my addictions. I remember wondering why He abandoned me for so long. Once I entered recovery, I finally realized He was always by my side or there’s no way I would have survived those long, dark days.
When my daughter was diagnosed with diabetes a year and a half after her father lost his life to the same disease, I was furious with God. The thought of my baby girl dealing with an illness I watched her dad slowly die from became too much for me to bear. I so needed to turn to Him in those overwhelming moments, but instead I did the opposite.
I eventually found my way back to Him only to end up with that same intense anger years later in the back of an ambulance by my son’s side as he battled a grand mal seizure, right before his epilepsy diagnosis. The darkness and inability to understand these afflictions placed on my precious little ones wouldn’t allow me to let God in at a time I needed Him the most.
After finally realizing my children’s illnesses would someday become their sermons, I knew He would use these struggles to allow them to serve others in very special and significant ways. By opening my heart to God, my anger eventually turned to understanding and trust again.
This doesn’t by any means imply that I don’t get angry at God anymore. I still find myself back there every now and then, but thankfully it looks quite different these days.
Here are 4 things I’ve learned about dealing with those unwanted feelings towards the only One who can bring us true peace:
- It’s ok to be angry at God. In those earlier seasons of my life, my faith was on shaky ground to start with, even before the fury over addictions, abandonment, and illnesses set in. I thought I wasn’t allowed to be mad at Him, so in times that anger arose there was no need to even try talking to Him.
As my faith has grown, I realize He can absolutely take it. I share everything with Him now openly and honestly, even the not so warm and fuzzy feelings. Here’s the cool part: Our relationship is stronger than ever.
- We can’t hide anything from Him. No matter how hard we try to pretend we are completely good with God, He sees deep inside our hearts. He can’t be fooled by our smiles and false prayers of thanksgiving and joy. Definitely keep true prayers of gratitude coming too, but make sure you are spilling it all before Him, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
- Don’t let being angry at God lead to sin. During my addiction years, my anger took me so far from God that I didn’t care what kind of life I led anymore. I truly believed it couldn’t possibly matter.
Many of my addictions arose from earlier life circumstances. My sad, angry heart started breaking in childhood. I didn’t personally know Jesus back then as I do today. If we can find a way to tell God about our anger as it arises and not give the devil that foothold, I think we could save ourselves a lot of heartache.
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
- Our anger will never take away the breathtaking love He has for us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
If you find yourself angry at God, go to Him. He loves you in a way that is not humanly possible. Confessing these darker feelings to Him have grown my faith by beautiful leaps and bounds.
I’m so thankful we are not expected to be full of joy and peace at all times. Unfortunately, that’s just not how I roll. We can truly rest in the fact that we serve a God who loves big and forgives freely…
Candace Playforth is a wife, mom, Jesus follower, serenity seeker, and writer on a quest for health in body, mind, and soul. Join her in creating a healthier body, emotional well-being, and unprecedented faith at CandaceCreates.com. Connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.