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When it feels impossible

I remember when it happened.

It was Christmas Day 2006 and since China doesn’t officially celebrate Christmas Day, it was also the log in date for our dossier. And it was the day I found out I was pregnant.

I stood in the shower crying. “How am I going to do this, Lord? How am I going to have an adopted child and a bio child at the same time?”

I was scared to death.

That’s when He reminded me He only gives gifts. And He had chosen Christmas Day for it all to come down just so that there would be no question about it in my mind. These babies were good gifts from the Father above.

And then the two girls came, 4 months apart in age, and I was officially *overwhelmed*. I learned that God’s gifts are not synonymous with ease and comfort and happy go lucky.

By the time our fourth child arrived, the third within 23 months, I was having some serious conversations with the Lord. “I know these children are gifts, Lord. But I can’t keep up. What You have given me, under these circumstances…well it is just too much for me.”

{That was another shower conversation.}

And right there while I was washing my hair, He said, “You’ve asked Me for more love. For more joy. To know Me more. You’ve asked Me for a deeper surrender to My Spirit and more power in your life.”

Do you not recognize the answer when I give it?”

I was quieted… although it did not make anything easier.

Slowly, ever so slowly~ because I am pigheaded~ I began to understand the ways of a Savior.

He sends you into the storm to show you that He controls even the elements.

He allows your faith to be tested so that its object is Him alone.

He gives strength in weakness to remind everyone just where strength comes from.

Silly me. To ever think I could do anything to begin with.

Motherhood became and remains a daily exercise in faith. Some days I exercise well. Other days I skimp on the workout, wishing for an easier way.

I’m His disciple, among the crowds in Mark 6:35-37:

“By this time it was late in the day, so his disciples came to him. “This is a remote place,” they said, “and it’s already very late. Send the people away so that they can go to the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat.”

But he answered, “You give them something to eat.”

 

And oh, how motherhood puts us in the dusk of the day, the remote location, the late hour, our greatest time of need.  

And Jesus, He turns to us and says, “You give them something to eat.”

Seriously? He’s kidding, right?

But then we remember the ways of the Savior, how He doesn’t ask that we come up with our best shot…He invites us to bring all that pathetic absence of sufficiency to Him and watch Him do the miraculous.

He invites us to play a front role in the miraculous provision.

Yes. This is motherhood.

And at the end of the day, we gather up the excess.

Friend, I don’t have all the answers. Most days I wake up and feel the impossible pressing in. But I do know this: The impossible is an inviation to the miraculous.

So it’s good.

It’s all good.

 

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Comments

  1. What an encouraging word. When it is possible with us, we miss the need for God. We are so blessed that He has given us the varied ways of needing Him, then seeking Him, then finding Him to be everything we needed plus more.

    Praying for you today~
    Jennifer

  2. Jenny says:

    Another amazing post. Just wanted you to know that. Thanks for sharing.

  3. Crystal says:

    Thank you for this! He controls it all. And our circumstances are all so very different (As I pray and wait… And wait for our next baby… even now and the year mark from my last miscarriage has come and gone…). But I am so thankful that He never changes. And He is for me and you. And all thing work together for the good of those that love Him.

  4. jane says:

    Brainstorming here……….could you please put all of your posts into a journal -type booklet? Or a devotional-type booklet? I think it would be the best around!

    • DAWN says:

      AJ, she is on to something here. Your blogs are food for the spirit. They would make an awesome book. It would be one of those books made by God for specific people. He would use it as an instrument for His work in peoples lives. I remember every book HE has ever lead me to and how He did it and His miraculous provision through it.
      One day, after I had to surrender myself all over again, leaving behind religion that I couldn’t make work, I decided to go to the local goodwill store, I got in my car and went there (no needs, no reason), walked straight to the back of the store, reached my hand into the bookshelf, drew out 1 small little book and went straight home with it. How amazing is that! It was called the surrendered life, or something like that. IT CHANGED MY LIFE. It was a small book written and published by a pastor. I had to give it away when I met someone who needed it. It is one of those books, made by God and used by Him. That’s what your book of all your blogs would be like. Well, just a thought 8)

  5. Melanie says:

    As always, thank you for your words!! Such a gift of communicating that the Lord has blessed you with, my friend! I agree with Jane that said you need to put your posts into a book -talk about a best seller! :) So excited about your Energy Explosion, too! Thanks for all you’re doing and sharing! Blessings to you today!

  6. Oh I really needed this today!!! Sometimes I make it so difficult when the message and instructions are just so simple:) Big hugs!!

  7. DAWN says:

    Such a great blog, AJ. Just wonderful!
    The point of everyday, for me, is to draw near to God. When you share your words it helps me to do that.

  8. Madeline says:

    Thanks Jodie! This is awesome.

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