By request, I am posting this on my blog. Please read with discretion and grace… and pray for the parents who have to address such difficult and sensitive issues. If you are parenting little ones, you are not alone! We don’t have to walk this territory by ourselves. Take my hand, and let’s go together, shall we?
A couple months ago, we had a very disturbing incident involving our eight year old son.
I was sitting in the garage, watching my husband re-feed the weed eater, when it happened: oldest jumped over the fence from the back yard and
came running around the house, white faced and stricken.
“What happened, son? Are you okay?” I knew something terrible had just transpired. I had no idea how horrible it actually was.
My eight year old stammered it out, how the neighbor boy he was playing cars with, a barely-seven year old, had suggested they “do” something to each other. I want to be very sensitive to the audience reading this, so I will not be detailed…but the gestures and talk by this boy were explicit and thorough, with nothing left out.
My son was visibly sick and my husband and I were shocked and nauseated.
Perhaps I’m naïve.
But honestly, although we are very open about biology in our home, I never thought I would have to discuss sexuality and homosexuality with my child at age eight.
I was completely unprepared.
I was sick.
I was traumatized and so was my son.
I consider my children well protected. I watch them like a hawk and am involved in their activities. I am very careful about with whom and where they play. Yet in a matter of minutes, while I was in the garage helping my husband get the weed eater, an inappropriate conversation took place in my own backyard.
Never in a million years did I dream that a seven year old boy would make homosexual advances towards my eight year old son.
I spoke with the boy later and he said that he’d snuck behind the couch while his parents watched porn films together.
I’ll be honest and say that I had to face some hard, unwanted facts:
- What young children are exposed to is shocking.
Sadly, it is also very common. More common than we might currently understand. With the internet and absent parents, cable tv, magazines and literature left lying around houses, in garbage cans, or under beds, with older siblings doing things in front of younger ones…children are getting sexualized earlier and earlier. Even if it isn’t happening to your child, it is happening to a neighbor child, a church child, a co-op child, someone your child knows…and children talk to children. Chances are high that your child knows more than you think she does. - Then there’s the heart breaking statistics on childhood sexual abuse.
- We have a spiritual enemy who is doing everything he can to confuse and destroy our children when it comes to their
sexuality. This is one of his biggest strategies currently employed in our culture. - We can’t protect our children every minute of every day.
BUT the good news is that WE CAN PREPARE THEM!
After the incident with our son, I knew I needed to be more proactive with my younger children. In fact, I needed to start talking with my four year old daughters (and even my two year old son). I don’t mean sitting my girls down and having “The Talk.” Rather, I mean laying a foundation of healthy knowledge and biblical wisdom regarding sexuality with my children naturally as they grow up.
As moms, we don’t want our children to be un-educated because we know they will learn the facts from someone. Personally, I want it to be me. We don’t want to present the information in stale, awkward terms, either. But how do we do it naturally without over-educating them?
I knew I needed some help and help was on its way!
Mary Flo Ridley has a resource entitled Simple Truths: A Simple, Natural Approach to Discussing Sex with Your Children
This guide walks parents through six (simple!) steps for talking to young children about sex. It lays a foundation for you as the parent – YOU! – to be your child’s source for sexual information and identity.
So…I’m going to ask a loving~ but hard~ question. What is your plan for preparing your child sexually? Are you winging it? Are you avoiding it? Do you know how to approach it? Are you being pro-active in educating them?
If you aren’t, someone else is. And they aren’t your friend.
Yes, I’ve learned the hard way…and I’ve decided to be proactive.
For a place to begin, Check out Simple Truths with Mary Flo Ridley
[...] Having “THE Talk” [...]