We travel to Texas and stay in a room next to the couple on Viagra.
All during the night I feel sick. I feel my insecurities, my inadequacies, I wonder if my husband wished I’d take a pill.
Morning comes and he knows me so well. “I stopped being desirous of sex a long time ago,” he says it soft, and it shocks me because I know him… but he wasn’t done. “I’m desirous of you. All of you.”
How he shows me every single day and how I grasp for it and why can’t I just accept it and let it shape me? Why can’t I let go of the past?
Ever since before Christmas, he’s been telling me. He’s a January birthday and he’s been telling me what he wants for his present: 100 Days.
It scares me. I have issues. I think, “I’m not up for this,” but then I pray, “God, I want to be.”
“I want to be for him. For You. For our relationship. For me.”
Is it possible? Can someone like me find healing and grace and “energeo” for 100 Days? I mean, I’ve made a lot of progress, am still making it. But 100 consecutive Days?
If I could only believe…
I search scriptures, I cling to promises, I touch my toes in the waters. Will they part?
3 days left before “The Day” I do a Bible search. Is “100 days” anywhere in the Bible?
At first I don’t get the connection, think it is just a grasp at straws. Then I see it.
A mina is 100 days worth of provision.
I’ve been given a mina.
A mina can either be invested… or buried.
I’m to invest my mina, because with the gift comes the provision.
The gift IS the provision.
I don’t know how I’ve missed that for so long, but gifts are made to be invested, not buried… and our sexuality is a gift.
When you come from backgrounds like mine, it’s easy to believe a lie. It’s easy to believe that sexuality is an obligation, something self centered and dirty, even a curse.
It is easy to believe that the so called gift doesn’t come with provisions… it comes with a hefty price tag.
Truth is, it’s a gift. But we’ll never experience the provisions and blessings of the gift if we bury it.
We’ve got to invest it.
This Valentine’s Day, we’ve got a perfect chance. It’s a timely opportunity. It’s the day to invest our gifts.
Forget all the hype and the pressure. Just take a moment to consider your gift and how you can invest instead of bury:
For singles: Invest your gift by guarding your purity for your spouse to be. Now is a great time to commit (or re-commit) to sexual purity according to biblical standards.
For marrieds: Invest your gift by giving it away to your spouse. Is a 100 Day challenge too much? How about a 7 Day challenge? Or how about committing to double your current investment? Or setting a certain day of the week aside for something special? Or being in sync with his 72 hour cycle? Take a few minutes to prayerfully commit to investing in some way.
And P.S. It’s okay to be your own “flavor” in the bedroom- don’t let worldly standards be what shapes you. Just invest your mina!
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