The clock reads 10:50pm when I hear his shuffled feet outside our door. “Son?” I call to him. “What is it?”
Husband gets up and lets him in and asks if everything is okay.
“I just can’t sleep,” he says.
An hour later I’m having the same problem. I keep thinking about silver and gold and what must I do to have a “get up and walk” kind of life.
I feel the stirring inside. I was made for more.
I was made to reflect and pour out His glory. Indeed, it burns within.
I was made to bless with my mouth.
I was made to nourish with my life.
I was made to succor with my arms.
I’m a woman; I was made to birth and nurture life, wherever I go, from dawn to dusk.
But I have to be real honest. My reality doesn’t live up to my calling.
I feel like the prodigal, feeding on pig’s pods. I should be supping at the table with my Father.
I should be anointed with His oil, overflowing with His wine, spilling out onto others.
Why this wallowing?
The restlessness twists me until I can’t stay in the bed and I get up. I turn to the familiar passage.
“I say this so that no one will keep defrauding you with their well crafted arguments.” Colossians 2:4
And just like that, I know what happened.
I had hopped on the computer before bed to check for an update. While there, I decided to take the risk: I clicked on the link and it took me to a lovely woman’s blog…but she talked about herself and gave all her suggestions for everyone else and it made me think about myself and I thought about everything I’m not doing, everything I’m horrible at, everything that’s wrong or missing or….
I listened to the wrong voices.
“Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ. For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. And you are complete in Him.” Colossians 2:8-10
How quickly the mind is captured with what others are saying and doing! How quickly we forget where our nourishment and support and life come from. How quickly we fall away from the grace provided us in Christ.
We rely on so many other things, forgetting that He is pleased to give us the kingdom!
He brings to my mind The Flightless Cormorant and there, I see the date these words were written: exactly one year ago.
“Do we only have silver and gold ministries to offer the lame beggar on the temple steps? Or can we, like Peter, say, “Silver and gold have I none, but what I do have, I give to you: In the name of Jesus, WALK!” (Acts 3:6)
All year these things have niggled me. All year I have seen how we, as a culture and for the most part, live the Christian life in the flesh. All year I have been sickened by how much of my life, my 12 years in the ministry as a church planter and missionary, have been lived relying on secondary skills.
The secondary skills aren’t the problem.
The forgetting what we are made for is.
We were made for Spirit wings to indwell us, fill us, empower us, carry us to places secondary blessings never can. We were made for “abundantly above all we ask or imagine,” from Him and to Him and by Him and for Him.
We were made for the kind of indwelling power that raised Christ from the dead. And we are content with diving?”
I’ve discovered something from my time online over the past year. Many, many things out there teach us how to be better swimmers. But very few indeed tell us how to soar.
My friend, we were made to live “get up and walk” kind of lives. Silver and gold can buy a crowd and pay for speaking lessons, but only the power of God can anoint you to tell a lame beggar to get up and walk! My restless heart is finally grounded tonight: In Christ is all the fullness.
And we are complete in Him.
I pray we are not moved away from the simplicity of Him.
**In praying about what God would have as my theme for the coming year, I’m convinced that it is to be “In Christ.” So during 2012, my topic of personal study will be what we have in Christ, who we are in Christ, and how to appropriate His life. I am very excited about how the Lord has led me to this and can’t wait to get started.